Facing a Giant

Going on in life without someone we love can feel like we are facing a Giant…

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It has been 132 days or 4 months and 9 days since you took your flight to Heaven..

One day, there will be a blog post that is not based on the fact that Trae died, but that day is not today!

I have been thinking about blog topic for the past month that I have not written. We were sitting around my cousin, Nichol’s house this weekend and she asked me about my next blog. I said that I didn’t know. She told me that I could write about her, so here it is. You are part of it!  I have never had so much going on in my brain and so little words to put it out there like this! Thankfully, this weekend it all came together and here it is 🙂

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We were listening to “Giants Fall” by Francesca Battistelli on the way home from Ohio this weekend and it got me thinking about this topic. Mourning someone you love is like facing a giant.. just like David going up against Goliath. David was just a young boy with no fighting experience.

Everyone doubted David. Everyone, even his own father, thought he couldn’t go up against Goliath, let alone defeat him. When everyone doubts you is the best time to show them your strength!

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Facing a giant can be anything; death, divorce, job loss, a broken phone… I know the last one seems small and dumb, but I cried…! It was the first week in December and my phone fell off my lap while getting out of the car and hit the asphalt and cracked and the screen broke & went black! I sat there and cried and cried. While facing a giant, everything seems worse! This has been the past 4 months. I have told Lowell this many times. I have told Lowell that sometimes I feel like God is mad at me. We have had stress and everything and it gets piled up and I can’t handle stress well.

A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting at a stop sign and waiting for a car to pass so I could pull out onto the road. As I was waiting, a funeral procession went by. The song “Tell your Heart to Beat Again” by Danny Gokey was playing. The mixture of those two things was too much for me. I just sat there and cried. It hits everyone at different times and when you don’t always want it to!

We were sitting at the Eaton Dekalb Super Pull Saturday night and for some reason, I kept thinking about Trae. Trae hated tractor pulls; thought they were completely pointless. Yet, I sat there the whole night, thinking about that crazy kid. He finds the craziest time to seep into my mind! God always makes him present in mind all the time. I am always thinking about Trae. I think about him most before I fall asleep. I think about Trae and Heaven and what he might be doing and what is going on. It overwhelms my brain and scares me at the same time. Every night I pray that God will ease my mind and let me fall asleep!

I think about the movie ‘Facing the Giants’ that I have seen many, many times! If you have never seen it, stop reading this and go watch it! I’m kidding, but seriously, watch it sometime! There are so many examples of facing your giant. The football team is in a major losing streak, with no winning in sight. When the coach prays and adjust his attitude towards the game, he starts changing the attitudes of the players. He says, “Your attitude’s like the aroma of your heart. If your attitude stinks, your heart’s not right.”

How often do we let our attitude get in the way of our thinking? I know that if I wake up and have a bad attitude, I usually have a bad day. How much different do you think we lives would be if we let our attitude up to God? If we trusted Him with our attitude every day, don’t you think we would have a better attitude and outlook on life?

So often, we let our giants get in the way of our thinking as well! My “giants” get in the way of my thinking, my attitude, and my life. I change my thinking because of what I am afraid of or stressed about. I let the giant in my life overwhelm me. I let it take control. I take my focus off of God to take on my giant… You all know where I am going with that? But like the first quote at the top of this post says, “You won’t fight them. I will.” God takes on our biggest fights and takes control. So, why would we take our focus off Him when He is fighting for us?

I often focus on my relationship with God most when everything seems to be falling apart! I used to have a bracelet from Lokai. Lokai bracelets were there to remind you to find your balance through the highs and the lows. It was a clear rubber bracelet with one white bead and one black bead. In the white bead was water from Mount Everest, which is the highest point on Earth. This was to remind you that when you are on top, stay humble. The black bead contained mud from The Dead Sea, which is the lowest point on Earth. The mud was to remind you that when you have hit your low, you need to stay hopeful! It is hard to find balance when everything is falling apart and it can be hard to stay humble when everything is going your way! But I would look at my wrist where my bracelet was and be reminded!

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In ‘Facing the Giant,’ they say, “If we win, we praise Him. If we lose, we praise Him.” No matter the circumstances are, we just need to praise God. We need to trust Him and He will take care of us. He will fight our giants for us!

We need to be like David. His heart was so good and he knew that God would keep him safe because God had kept him safe before. God knew David’s heart and wanted to help him. David went into battle with just five stones and a sling.

David’s trust was in the Lord and he didn’t need armor or swords because he had God on his side. He didn’t let what others thought get in his way. He had a giant in his path and he let his God take on the battle for him.

That is what we need to do. Whatever giant is currently in front of you, give it to God. Let God fight your battle. Sometimes we need to sit down and shut up and listen to what He is telling us.

Deuteronomy 20:4 says, “For the Lord your God is he who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies, to give you victory.”

As we were traveling home Sunday, I saw a sign that said “Who is Jesus?” It made me think about who is Jesus to me and in my life… Jesus is a promise for the future and a hope of eternity. Jesus is a friend, a rock and a savior. Jesus is everything.  Who is Jesus to you?

When my aunt first saw me this weekend, she grabbed me and held me so tight! I held on so tight. And that’s what we need to do; hold each other as tight as we can for as long as we can because we have plans, but God is the plan master and know what is best! Life is too short to spend time with the wrong people, too short to spend time without Jesus, too short to spend time wasting the life that God gave you! So, don’t waste it.

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Get up and GO!

** Side note, if you are looking for someone to stay on one topic, I am not your gal. I feel like this is a little of everywhere, so thanks for sticking in here until the end!


 

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Dear Trae, We are all wearing our Trae bands and I think of you every time I look at it. I think of how brave you were and how amazing you are! I think about all the moments we had and I thank God for each one! You are an amazing brother and I love you to the moon and back! xoxoxoxoxo -Kaci

More songs than usual today..!

 

“Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers..”

“But if you lift your eyes, see it in a different light..”

“I know you’re always to hear my every prayer..”

“It’s easy to sing when there’s nothing to bring me down.”  One of my current FAVORITE songs!

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3 thoughts on “Facing a Giant

  1. Becky says:

    Thank you for sharing raw stuff, Kaci. Beautifully real. We all need the reminder that our battles belong to the Lord. I love you 💙

    Like

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